Friday, February 29, 2008
Had a gorgeous crystal clear blue day today and the temps are going to be seriously below zero tonight.
The stars are brilliant shimmering diamonds.
Orion is in the west, giving me direction.
Even when I lived in the city I could see his belt from my back deck. I couldn't see the Pleides, or Sirius, but Orion's belt was always clear and I guess I appreciate his sticking with me during the lean sky time in the city.
Today, I walk out into the black night of my country road; Summer or Winter I can get lost in the sky.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
And for three days Daddy has been sifting through his poop. He put it in a metal strainer (yes the one that was hanging in Flying Squirrel World, holding peanuts for hungry squirrels) and ran hot water over it, and sifted through the variety of things that dogs ingest.
It was not pretty.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Some projects are too big for do it yourselfers and we finally called in the professionals...or semi-professionals. They are two great guys, one used to be my boss. The name of their company is "Two Retired Guys" and I adore them.
They are talented and tidy. They are kind to my dog. The day I had to take Hubby to the hospital, they took him out for two walks for us.
And the house looks GREAT!!!
I am so excited to have some real furniture and have some friends over for dinner or dominos or a cut-throat game of spades.
My work table will stay where it is. This is where I like to sit and write, or collage. I can see out the window and watch my furry and feathered friends at Flying Squirrel World.
Can't wait till it is done, but at the same time I have gotten so used to them being around, I don't want them to go! Can you imagine? Separation anxiety over having the contractors finishing up and leaving...very silly. That's me, silly girl with a fondness for men with power tools!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I join them because I like them, and I find I feel better when I do.
I am not naturally drawn to groups, though I hate to be left out of something.
But I am solitary, and enjoy my own thoughts and my own company.
However, I am learning that is not always what is best for me. The company of others is good for me, and the inexpensive, well balanced meal doesn't hurt.
I have always liked older people. I don't feel uncomfortable with them. I don't have the fear of growing old that some people have. I like to hear about their lives, today and yesterday.
Those who have grown old and remained in good humor have what I want, and the best way to get it is to hang around with them and see how they do it!
It is a slow paced lunch. Some chit chat about the bird migrations, or the latest weather, or the next political intrigue, but meal time is slow and calm and pleasant.
I always feel more relaxed and more energized when I have lunch with them.
This is the first time in my working career that I actually get a lunch hour. I have 60 whole minutes in which I can close the office and go away to feed and water myself. I love it! How did I live and work all those years without it? How uncivilized!
My job is a perfect balance of human contact and isolation. I have time to work on my own, get things done in quiet with minimal interuptions, and when those interuptions come I can usually handle them swiftly and efficiently and I enjoy the human interaction. I am working on improving the financial side of my job satisfaction and it is better already.
Last summer, one of the seniors brought in a monarch cocoon. It was the color of jade with three gold beads across the top. It was like a beautiful jewel.
One morning I came into the office and it had turned black. I thought, "how sad, it must have died". Well imagine my surprise when the cocoon began to split and a black wing began to come out. Well you would have thought I was delivering a child. I rushed back to the back of the building and grabbed Cathy (who runs the senior lunch program) and we took the butterfly outside into the sun, into a non-windy place and watched in awe as it emerged. I have tons of picture and will find them and post a few here when I find them.
It was amazing and took hours for the butterfly to get ready to fly...wings expanding, limbs stretching, body growing. It was amazing. Finally around 5pm, he/she had flown on. Hope she made it to Mexico. I have enough pictures I bet I can tell if it is a he or a she. I'll let you know.
So that is one of the things that makes me happy in this new life I have created.
Thanks for reading.
Be happy where you are.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
The snow was pink when I first came out to the kitchen. Pink and gold. I have a memory of a children's story that talked about a magical golden pink pearl. Does anyone remember the story "Diamond in the Window?" I seem to think the children traveled inside a nautilus shell to find the pearl That image stayed with me all these years. I was always facinated by shells and how pearls were made.
It has been a long week and it is only Thursday.
I have also been kind of stressed out by family illness issues. I keep breathing, I keep practicing acceptance, I work on the things I think I can change and leave the rest.
That is hard for a recovering control freak!
I am also trying to take care of my self.
Today I am having lunch with the senior citizens. I will write more about that, because it is like medicine for me. But today the RedHat Ladies are coming for lunch! woo hoo!!! I shall wear my tiara.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
It captures the peace I feel at the lake. It is a place of joy and fun and play time with family, but it is also a place where I can rest and be still.
For many years, it was the place that saved my sanity, cleansed my body and my soul.
My life was so hectic and unhappy and stressed. I had some bad times, but I was lucky to have a place to escape to. It was never often enough. I cried when I had to leave. Not just because I was usually leaving my mom or sister behind and I wouldn't see them for another year, but the place itself was and is healing for me. I always felt better there. I always felt like a "me" that I could like.
I finally moved nearby, and have been here for just over a year.
It has been a hard transition, but I honestly feel like it has been worth all the trauma and the drama.
I am beginning to feel like a "me" that I can like alot more often.
I feel like I can breath up here.
I went for a little drive after work because the sun was suddenly shining. What a beautiful sunset it was. I drove along the shoreline and admired the frozen end of the St. Lawrence River and the beginning of the wide open Lake Ontario. There are residents who live along here all year long. It is a different world in the winter than the summer. And on a day when the high temp is 12 and the wind is strong out of the north...you have to admire their committment. It certainly is beautiful out here!
What is this?
I couldn't find any visible footsteps. Did aliens come down and build it?
Are ice people living in there?
There were hills and bumps all along the shore line, but that was the only volcano that I could find.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I have never seen one!!! Ever! I called him a Bird Slut. He understood, I have bird lust.
I am looking out at a blue sky at the moment. Fifteen minutes ago there was a blizzard, white out, sideways snow! It lasted 15 minutes and came to a swift end. Seems to be moving North East....here it comes Mr. Bigby!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Durango - Minding Her Own Business
(note this was taken in April 2007 - YIKES!)
Took Hubby to Syracuse for a procedure yesterday (WED).
A) we left the house at 6:50am
B) there was 10 inches of snow on the ground when we woke up.
C) we took a county road to the interstate (thinking it would better plowed than the town roads)
D) despite going 25 miles an hour, the right front wheel went off the curb, I over compensated and we slid gently but firmly across the road into a ditch filled with about 6 feet of snow.
E) it took us 22 minutes to dig out.
F) I "stole" a shovel from the porch of the house down the road. Since it was so early in the morning I thought knocking and asking would have been more rude than just taking and returning it.
G) we made it to the hospital on time.
H) by the time we got to the holding area, the majority of the hospital staff knew about the couple who ran off the road on their way in from Sackets Harbor.
I) the procedure went well and the roads were clear when we came home.
J) I have slept alot since we got home, and took today off to take care of Hubby and myself.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
1. What time did you get up this morning? I spent the whole day in pajamas, it is Sunday after all.
2 Diamonds or pearls? Pearls surrounded by diamonds.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? It has been too long, I can't recall.
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee, later toast.
6. What song do you know all the words to? I used to know lots of John Denver songs...and play the guitar too.
7. What is your middle name? Mead
8. What food do you dislike? Veal, Venison
9. What is your favorite CD? Van Morrision, Best Of
10. What kind of car do you drive? Kia Rio or Dodge Durango
11. What characteristics do you despise about people? selfish, short tempered, two faced.
12. Favorite item of clothing? crocs
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Tibet
14. What color is your bathroom? Blue, Yellow and White
15. Favorite brand of clothing? Lee jeans,
16. Where would you retire to? a place with family and friends nearby
17. What was your most recent memorable birthday? 40th in Los Angeles
19. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? I try not to have too many expectations.
20. Person you expect to send it back first? The fastest typist.
21. When is your birthday? November
22 What is your favorite scent? grapefruit
23. Are you a morning or night person? both
24. What is your shoe size? 10 wide
25. Pets? Glorious Golden Retriever
26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I am happier than I have ever been.
28. How are you today? a little run down
29. What is your favorite candy? anything with nuts
30. What is your favorite flower? waterlily
31. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Presidents day - long weekend!
32 What church do you attend? Church of the Maple Tree
33. Favorite sandwich? a really GOOD Philly cheese steak
34. What are you listening to right now? Star Trek Voyager
35. What is the last thing you ate? Milano Cookie
36. Do you wish on stars? always
37. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Periwinkle
38. How is the weather right now? Very cold and crystal clear
39. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Hubby
41. Favorite soft drink? Vitamin Water XXX
42. Favorite restaurant? India Palace - Watertown or Ennio & Michael - Manhattan
43. Hair color? Blonde till I drop
44. Siblings? 3
45. Favorite time of the year? Summer Vacation
46. What was your favorite game as a child? Hide and Go Seek in the summer with lots of kids.
47. Summer or Winter? Both...depends on where I am.
48. Hugs or kisses? Both...depends on who I am with.
49. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate, except for ice cream - then vanilla.
50. What is your family nick name? Pooh
51. When was the last time you cried? Last night watching Hildago.
52. What is under your bed? dust bunnies
53. Who is the friend you have had the longest? my mother
54. What did you do last night? read.
55. Favorite room in your house? Kitchen sitting area
56. What are you afraid of? getting sick and unable to take care of myself
57. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn? buttered and salted!
58. How many keys on your key ring? two key rings...one with 4 keys, one with 7.
59. How many years at your current job? 9 months
60. Favorite day of the week? Friday
61.How many towns have you lived in? 11
62. Do you make friends easily? no
63. How many people will you be sending this to? none
64. Do you like your job? very much
I see beauty. Often where others do not. I used to think there was something wrong with me.
It has been a while since I was with other artists, but even then, sometimes the educated get stuck in the "shoulds".
I choose to see beauty. I think alot of our lives are about choice. I choose to believe I am right where I am supposed to be today. I choose to believe I am my best self today and you are your best self today. I prefer to focus on beauty; not always the easy beauty of a springtime flower, sometimes the more complex combination of colors and textures of a falling down building or the frozen heads of sunflowers.
I recently came to a point in my life where I had lost my ability to see beauty. I was swallowed up in the difficulties of day to day living, I was pretty much a zombie, go to work, go to bed, go to work, go to bed...and I couldn't see much inbetween. I am grateful to my husband who helped make my dreams come true and moved us to the country. He even says that I am a different person now. I am engaged in home life, I have the energy to play again. And I can see beauty again. I can even see it in myself and THAT has been a long long time.