Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Fear of Falling


November Snow
Originally uploaded by Gertibird
Every once in a while, I have a flash of rapture. A moment when I feel lucky to be living in rural, wintery, Northern New York.
Last night it was cold enough to need my parka, but not so cold that my ears and nose were flash frozen...A warm night for December, in other words.

It was quiet and dark. One of the glorious things about living outside a city, or even a village...quiet and dark. Not a creature was stirring...except me and Murphy who was rolling in what is left of the snow. He just needs a little snow or ice on the ground and he is in rapture...I need to be coaxed into it when it comes to the cold stuff.
Mainly because change makes me cranky....snow and ice change your life and the way you plan and operate. After a summer of light clothes, flip flops, long days of sunshine and gentle breezes, it is hard to go back to wondering if you will have to use the snowblower in the morning....it has been hard for me to get into the winter groove again.

Some moments it is clear as crystal, why I came here. Why I can breath better here, why I can like myself more here, why I can worry less and sing more...
Isn't that all we have? This present moment?

I have become afraid of falling. I have not fallen this year, but I turned my foot when walking across some snow and after taking a step and raising the oppposite foot, the snow gave way a bit and I turned the foot with my weight on it. Not a bad injury - the pain comes and goes - probably more related to arthritis or tendonitis than the snow...but I am afraid of falling.

This present moment I am snug in my bed with my husband finally sleeping soundly beside me. My beloved Golden Retriever is sleeping heavily next to my right calf - I love that he always wants to have contact with me.
This present moment I am warm, full, healthy, loved by friends and family and free to love them back.
This present moment there is very little pain in my body.
This present moment I am right where I am supposed to be.

The culture of fear is going strong in the world, but I do not have to participate. The culture of fear sells advertising...not hope.
I prefer to learn from the seasons...everything changes and it is better to accept the things you can not change than to try and swim upstream when the river is overflowing its banks.

1 comment:

a striver for sanity said...

I can feel your contentment in the present moment for I too am content.